Postcards of Grief

Mourning is a process.

Comments on breast cancer by proxy, written by a woman coping with the loss of her mother.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Still treading water

I was thinking that something profound would come to me, so I put off posting after the earache thing. My father having removed his wedding ring saddens me so much. It scares me that he’s going to start dating, that he’ll pretend he wasn’t married, that he’s going to forget Mom. I know he’s not going to forget her; he spent more than half of his life, more than sixty-percent of his life with her.

Brooke suggested that wearing it might make him sad. I wonder if continuing to wear it might embarrass him, might make him feel like he’s unable to accept that she is dead.

Brooke and I had an awkward moment last night. We were mulling over our recent lack of exercise and how to get back into it when I remarked that we had been doing so well over the winter. And then your mom had to go and ruin it all. And it could have been funny if she weren’t dead, which Brooke realized as she said it, that the lighthearted intent didn’t connect with the words. The dead mother jokes tend to fall flat right now. Maybe that will change at some point. Maybe in another life, I’ll be at the place where I can laugh about her death.


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