Postcards of Grief

Mourning is a process.

Comments on breast cancer by proxy, written by a woman coping with the loss of her mother.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


I don’t have a whole lot to say right now. Brooke and I are feeling well, simultaneously eager to meet Ebry and anxious that there are so many things to get done before Ebry’s arrival. The midwife said that they strongly recommend induction at 42 weeks, but she also offered that it’s for institutional reasons, not medical ones. Mom’s births were all past 40 weeks gestation, so I assume mine would be as well. Of course, neither my conception nor fetus size match up with hers, so my reliance on that correlation is flawed.

I find myself missing her more and more now. I cried myself to sleep the other night over the memory of having to leave her to return home. I should have stayed. If I had known how quickly she would leave us, I’d have stayed. She needed me, and I left her. How did I ever think I could do this without her?

Think good job thoughts for us in the coming weeks. We’re waiting on some important phone calls.


At 10:22 AM, Blogger selzach said...

Em, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Try to be gentle with yourself, you have a lot going on (and those pregnancy hormones don't help!) You did the best you could when your mom was so sick, and that's all any of us can do. You and your mom had an amazing relationship and I have a feeling she knew how deeply you loved her.

Try not to sweat the birthing stuff (I know, easier said than done). It'll work out...maybe not quite the way you expect or want, but it'll be ok. You and Brooke are going to be wonderful parents, and you're going to be amazed at how much love you can feel for a tiny little baby.

At 12:39 PM, Blogger Shelli said...

much love going out to you guys.

This is indeed a tough time for you right now.

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Gosling said...


This post made me cry. I feel how much love and loss you're feeling as Ebry prepares to join your family. So bittersweet. Much love to the three of you!


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