In which I share financial details

Not too long ago, a woman on one of the pregnancy boards I read asked how much money we spent on things for the baby. The responses ranged from just over two thousand to several thousand dollars. I was blown away. Then I added it up.

Cost	Item
$82	Bras
$50	Fat pants, for that pre-maternity wear stage
$150	Maternity clothes: two tank tops, one sleeveless shirt, two pairs of shorts, eight pairs of undies
$10	Bibs
$12	Umbrella stroller
$290	Diaper supplies for one year: six dozen diapers, over one dozen covers, 15 diaper fasteners, 6 fleece inserts, two dozen flannel wipes
$15	Fabric for baby wraps
$38	Cyclez and Happy Heiny’s cloth postpartum pads
$42	Stork S’port to help hold up my pregnant abdomen
$689	Total

It is kind of expensive. That doesn’t even take into account the fact that I was given…

• several bags, boxes, and bins of maternity clothes (hundreds of dollars)
• one relatively new infant car seat (at least $100)
• one giant bag of Avent baby bottles, pacifiers, breast pads, and Lansinoh ($100 to $200, if I had to guess)
• one infant bouncy seat ($20-ish)
• one Exersaucer ($40)
• one Arm’s Reach Mini Co-Sleeper ($150)
• three fitted Arm’s Reach Mini Co-Sleeper sheets ($45)
• one Boppy ($20)
• several pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding books ($60)
• one crib with mattress and bumpers ($200)
• one changing table with pad and covers ($80)
• one shitload of baby linens, including crib sheets, blankets, burp cloths, etc. (anywhere from $100 to $300)

…with no other solicitation than, “Hey, if you want it out of your house, I’ll put it to good use.” My main point here being that having a baby without a lot of money really is manageable.

I guess my other point is that this baby stuff is a real racket. Did you know that you can spend over $1000 on a stroller? Or as much on a baby’s bedroom set as an adult’s? It’s not hard to find families (online, of course) who think that the $160 they spent on a high chair was well worth it. Last time I checked, expensive high chairs don’t actually make dinner or feed the baby.

Babies R Us (where, in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I’m registered) gave us a long list of things we “forgot” to put on the baby registry. We couldn’t possibly have intended to leave the store without:

• wipes
  
• bassinet
  
• batteries
  
• booster car seat
  
• car seat base
  
• convertible car seat
  
• crib
  
• diaper bag
  
• diaper pail
  
• diapers
  
• exerciser
  
• glider and ottoman
  
• high chair
  
• infant car seat
  
• infant carrier
  
• mattress
  
• nursery monitor
  
• stroller
  
• swing
  
• travel system
  
• travel yard
  
• walker
  

I mean, really. And don’t I want The Best for my baby? Isn’t it vitally important that my baby have nothing but The Best? Or is that a giant crock of shit that’s been flung at me by elitist liberals and conservatives alike? It’s not about being happy; it’s about upping the economy. It’s not about what’s really safe or fulfilling; it’s about being seen in the right places and at the right times. We’ll do just fine with our second-hand things, thanks.

And while we're in the Best Mommy Ever competition, let me just say that, yes, I have had non-communion wine, blue-veined cheese, soft cheese, unpasteurized cider, beer, coffee, tea, espresso, and a veritable truckload of chocolate. And I'm happy.