Postcards of Grief

Mourning is a process.

Comments on breast cancer by proxy, written by a woman coping with the loss of her mother.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Family bed

I went into work late the other morning. Brooke and I spent some much needed time curled up in bed, our wrists and ankles woven together, feeling Ebry shift and kick. We’re in our last days before the task of raising Ebry becomes fulltime. Soon, our bed will no longer be a haven of blankets, comforters, quilts, and pillows. It will be a bastion of activity: eating, burping, changing, and (I pray) sleeping.

Yes, I’m thinking a lot about my mother these days. I wonder what, if any, role she played in getting us this child, or if the child will be like her, or if I’ll be like her and the child will be like me. I know that she’ll somehow be present for the birth.

The birth could happen at any point. I have no idea when or what I’ll be doing when I realize that it’s finally going to happen (probably breathing through a contraction, but I could be wrong), and it won’t be more than three weeks away. I wait and ponder all of my options (the most appealing of which right now involves a breast pump, a staircase, and a really long extension cord), but mostly, I just wait.


At 9:23 AM, Blogger Lily said...

I'll be thinking of you all this week...especially if there are any long gaps in blog-updating. I'll take that as a good sign, even if it does keep me in suspense. :p Best wishes to your whole family.

At 12:54 AM, Blogger She said...

You will be amazed at what comes out of your mouth as a mother, that you heard from your own mother. I still remember the very first time I said something my mother said to me, and how I felt...I was working through my relationship with my mother at the time, and knowing that I was so connected to her, even with all our issues, that she would hop out of my mouth, without my realizing it, I felt an incredible closeness to her. I know your mom will be near you as you bring the baby you and Brooke want into the world. I am patiently waiting to hear, and sending you the bestest, happiest vibes I can. :-)

At 12:56 AM, Blogger She said...

Ahem. I was referring to the first time I addressed The Boy with a statement I received from my mother. But I'm sure you knew that. I should probably proofread before I post...sorry.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger McBeth said...

Oh how delighted I am to have come across you via Women Who Blog (of which I am one also). Haven't read but three of your entries and already I've decided you're a keeper. : )

I've a 16 yr old man-child but the anticipatory tone of your post took me right back to August 1989. I think I'll pull out his sonogram pics for a sentimental trip down a really wonderful well-traveled road.

At 12:45 AM, Blogger Not Your Girl Friday said...

Emilin, I hope all is well. Been thinking about you and Brooke, and Ebry. Be well, and blessings and happiness to all of you.



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