Postcards of Grief

Mourning is a process.

Comments on breast cancer by proxy, written by a woman coping with the loss of her mother.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


My mother has been showing up in dreams lately. She's back to her healthy self and looks how I had hoped I would remember her. In these dreams, we get in the car together to drive somewhere, and I can smell her perfume. Or I call her on the phone, and we chat.

It's nice to see her again. Someone told me that the day would come when I would look forward to dreaming about her. Given my prior dreams where she made an appearance, I doubted that very much. Then a period went by where I had no dreams about her at all. Until the last few days, I had no idea how much I missed her cameo; I knew I missed the person, but I also missed the simple act of seeing her.

The other night, she was in my dream in tears and told me that my father died. In my dream, I realized the absurdity of this: the dead telling the living that someone has died. Still, we wept together over my father's death, my mother and I. He's not really dead.

Sanna is in none of these dreams. I long for the night when my mother meets her.

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