As long as it’s healthy
People have said that to me a number of times since I started making it public that I got myself knocked up. I tell them that I don’t know if the fetus is a boy or a girl, and they respond, smiling, “As long as it’s healthy.”
Fuck that. I come back to the idea that my child might have cystic fibrosis or any other of a number of conditions or illnesses, genetic or not, and I realize that I just don’t care.
“I’m sure your baby will be healthy,” people tell me, and I conclude that, like Pope John Paul II said from the hospital, this world is elitist about health.
Yes, of course, we should try to eliminate communicable diseases and conditions caused by the toxic environment we create with our overuse of fossil fuels and insistence upon perfectly green manicured lawns. Yes, we should pursue research that allows us to prevent, fight, and cure diseases. No, I don’t look forward to endless doctor visits and treatments that would come with my child being ill.
But shouldn’t we also value the people with diseases? At least in the US, HIV is not the death sentence it once was. People with cystic fibrosis live fulfilling lives well into adulthood. Cancer sucks, but people with cancer can be great contributors to society, even when they cannot be cured.
I hope my child will be happy. I know my child will be loved, no matter what his or her health.
9 Comments:
I second that. I'm very tired of the quest for the perfect child. It's also why we not doing any of the invasive "extra" testing with our twins. My personal pet peeve is this incredible urge to see Down Syndrome as a huge death sentence.
That *is* beautiful.
wonderful blessing, Yael.
I think I'll borrow it.
:)
word verification - luhav (sounds like lulav...)
You're more than welcome to use whatever valuable anything is in there. It's not a particularly eloquent entry....
I love the something to eat and someone to love blessing.
Yeah, people were saying that at school yesterday and it was bugging me. Especially coming from teachers who teach students with disabilities. :(
I first realized how stupid that comment was 2 years ago when some dear friends found out at 27 weeks of pregnancy that their baby had hydrops. They would have been ecstatic with ALIVE, of course knowing their little one was NOT healthy but had about a 1% chance of survival...(he died 18 hours after birth at about 31 weeks gestation).
"Health" is so fleeting and relative.
And the statement "as long as it's healthy" begs the question "what will you do if it isn't, throw it back?!"
Thank you for sharing that...I always think i'm alone in these pet peeves!
That sort of sentiment also drives me batshit. I have worked for many years in group homes taking care of kids with disabilities, many of which had been essentially abandoned by their families. They were hard kids to be around sometimes, and strange, but you know what - seeing them grow and learn was infinitely rewarding. Yael's quote is also quite beautiful. What a perfect wish for a child.
As humans, we'll all experience pain, discomfort, upset, and sadness. Healthy or not, we can't prevent that.
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